The non-official version of “Little Red Riding hood”

The non-official version of “Little Red Riding hood”  

 

Once upon a time, a girl of e’er happy mood

An errand her mother charged her with:

To go to her grandma who was sick

And give her a basket, full of food. 

Take heed, Little Hood, of what Mum

Is going to you to say:

Stop not on your way,

And once this delivered, come back anon. 

 

This forest is full of dangers,

Just as this basket is full of food.

Listen to your mum and be a good

Girl. Talk not to any stranger. 

 

But little tot, she attention paid not

To her mother’s well-intended warning

And in that sparkling summer morning

On her way she certainly had to stop. 

 

‘Cause while skipping along and humming

A happy tune, a big, long-tailed wolf

Out came from behind a bushy bush .

This was a wild dog, as any other, cunning. 

 

–Where’re you going with that basket, dear?

–To my Granny’s. I must her give

This basket full of food. She lives:

Right down that path, half a mile from here. 

 

–Oh, I see. But you’d get there quite soon

If instead you took this much shorter path.

It’s so quick, you’ll even have time enough

To pick up some flowers which are in bloom. 

 

–Thank you, Sir Wolf, for your wise advice

I’ll take this path instead

And when grandma who’s a-bed

Will see the flowers, she’ll be as happy twice. 

 

This gave the wolf time to reach Granny’s house

And once there, at her door he knocked.

–Come on in, dear, the door is unlocked.

But that was not her dear, but a big, hungry mouth. 

 

Terrified grandma into the closet she dashed.

But much more tender flesh was on the way.

So the wolf as the old woman he did masquerade

And waited for fresh flesh, as tender as mash. 

 

Inattentive Little Hood she the wolf mistook

For sick Granny, and did only realise

Something was wrong, once inside

The wolf, who, then drowsy, a nap he took. 

 

Deeply asleep, the wolf started snoring

And was heard by a hunter passing by.

Granny out came and explained him why

The stomach of that beast was bulging. 

 

So he, like God in the book of Genesis,

Cut open the belly of the sleeper,

And out popped granddaughter,

Just before being turned into faeces. 

 

Then he proceed to put some rocks in his tummy.

He sewed it back with his own hands,

And sent the wolf back to the woodland.

Laughing were all of them, especially Granny. 

 

But the best part is still to come.

Down they all sat to eat the food

That little Red Riding Hood

Had brought on behalf of his mum. 

 

They ate it all up and left nought

For it was, if truth be told, delicious

But they knew not what a malicious

Plan Little Hood’s mother had got. 

 

This woman, sick and tired as none

Of her ill mother constant asking

For favours and endless bumming,

This was the odious thing she had done: 

 

She had given his daughter poisoned food.

To be handed over to that hag.

But she hadn’t reckoned that

Her own child could feel like eating it too. 

 

As her daughter hadn’t still come back

Off she went to her mother’s house,

And when she arrived, what she found

Were three dead bodies lying on their backs. 

 

With horror her eyes were filled

When she saw her dearly daughter

Lying next to her secret lover.

Right away, she decided to herself kill. 

 

So she took the hunter’s knife

And in the middle of his chest

She thrust it with all her strength

Putting an end to her miserable life. 

 

Meanwhile, in other part of the woods

A physician who was walking by

Stopped in his way and said: Hi!

When he bumped into the woozy wolf. 

 

The wild dog explained him the whole matter

And how that wicked man had filled

His stomach with rocks, and then sealed

It back. “Mate!, -he said-  I’m a meat eater!” 

 

The doctor showed him consideration

And anon took him to his room

One by one out the stones he took.

Now it was the time for retaliation. 

 

Back the wolf went to Granny’s

And when he got inside

He couldn’t believe his eyes:

There were four freshly dead bodies! 

 

The wolf up the phone he picked

And the rest of the pals he called.

They had a splendid feast and ball.

Wolfs are not mean, they just eat meat.   

 

Sebastián Díaz